Thursday, August 29, 2013
i want more now
Photo via: Buenaventura Marco
I’m a hopeless romantic. Always been – I suppose. I was the little girl watching Disney movies alone – wishing, wondering, if there was a prince charming out there for me. An Eric to my Ariel. A Tarzan to my Jane. A Philip to my Aurora. An Aladdin to my Jasmine. A prince to my princess.
I fell in love with everything when I was young. Every boy with curly hair and a genuine smile. Every boy who said hi to me or even took a second glance. I even fell in love with a girl once. I loved everything - especially boys. The way they were faster and stronger than me. The way they teased me and laughed with their entire stomachs. The way they always tried to brave and the few times they were vulnerable.
I can’t recall my first love, or the boy who took my heart first, because I gave it away to every boy I ever met. Monogamy wasn’t something I understood, nor saving and protecting yourself. I just wanted to love, and for their laughs to be because of me. I had my first heartbreak when I was ten. I asked a boy if he wanted to be my boyfriend. The first boy I ever wanted to be mine. He didn’t want to. He said, “I just wanna hang out, you know, not kiss and stuff.” I was gutted. He was the first boy I thought I actually wanted to give all my love to. I got over it after a week.
Then I grew up a bit, hit puberty and all that juicy stuff, and I started to become shy towards boys. I still admired and loved them from a far, but the times when I could just hang out with them were over. I kissed tons of boys though. I can’t recall my first kiss but I kissed a new one every night. I realized that I almost love kissing as much as I love boys - but they sort of go hand in hand I guess.
Then I turned 16 and met a boy who was four years older than me. We loved each other so much. I gave my entire heart to just one person, and that was something new to me. It ended after two years, and it took my almost 6 months to get my heart back in place. I started kissing more boys, doing even more than kissing.
Now I’m twenty – I’ve kissed more boys than I can remember. I’ve loved more boys than I can recall. I want more now. I want what I wanted when I was little. The one true love. The boy who will make me love only him. I want a man – a prince.